Read This When You Don’t Want To Be A Working Mom Anymore

There are days when I catch myself thinking, I wish I didn’t have to be a working mom. And honestly, even admitting that out loud feels a little terrifying.

Because I am a working mom. I have a full‑time job I genuinely like. I work from home, my schedule is flexible, and I can do my work pretty much anywhere. And I work for a small community bank with values I deeply respect—Christian principles, supporting small towns, supporting small businesses. It feels good to be part of something meaningful.

But even with all of that, there’s still this part of me that struggles with the whole “working mom” identity. And that’s been true ever since my oldest daughter was born.

The Weird Mix of Loving Work and Wanting to Be Home

When I look back over the last nine years, it’s not like I’ve hated working. There have been plenty of moments where I’ve enjoyed it. Times when sitting in a quiet office felt like a break from the chaos of motherhood. Times when I was grateful someone else was caring for my kids so I could focus on something else for a few hours.

After my second daughter was born—she was a tougher newborn, and I dealt with postpartum anxiety—I actually remember feeling relieved at the idea of going back to work. Daycare felt like help. Work felt like breathing room.

But then there were the other moments. The ones where everything in me said, This isn’t right.I didn’t want to drop my baby off. I didn’t want to spend all day working and then come home at 5 or 6 p.m. with barely enough time to feed my kids and get them ready for bed. Those evenings felt so short. Too short.

And the hardest part? It wasn’t consistent. If it had been all one way or the other, maybe the decision to stay home would’ve been clearer. But it wasn’t. There were reasons I wanted to work…and reasons I didn’t.

The Thought That Changes Everything

One mindset shift has helped me more than anything else:

Stop saying, “I have to work because…” Start saying, “I want to work because…”

It sounds tiny, but it’s huge.

Most of us tell ourselves we have to work—because of the mortgage, the bills, the insurance, the paycheck. But the truth is, we don’t have to. We want to. We want the stability, the home, the lifestyle, the opportunities that come with that paycheck.

When you shift from “I have to” to “I want to,” you stop feeling trapped and start feeling empowered. Even if nothing changes, even if you stay a working mom forever, it’s easier to move through this season with gratitude instead of resentment.

When Staying Home Was Never Part of the Plan

Part of why this has been so confusing for me is because staying home wasn’t even on my radar.

Growing up, I didn’t know many stay‑at‑home moms. I was a good student, ambitious, career‑minded. When my husband and I planned our life, we built everything around two incomes. Staying home wasn’t even a consideration.

So when I had my first baby and suddenly felt this deep desire to stay home, it shocked me. It felt like something had gone wrong—like wanting that meant I’d messed up the plan.

If you’re feeling blindsided by the desire to stay home, you’re not alone. And if you feel trapped by your financial situation or the life you and your husband built together, you’re not alone in that either.

But you do have options. More than you think.

What Your Options Actually Look Like

Once you shift into “I want to work because…,” you can start exploring what you really want your life to look like.

1. You can quit your job.

Maybe the things your paycheck provides—vacations, extras, conveniences—aren’t as important to you as being home. That’s a real option. And it’s worth talking about with your husband, even if it feels scary.

2. You can cut back.

I’ve done this. When I worked at my previous bank, I was the go‑to analyst. I carried a ton of pressure and guilt. Eventually, I stepped back to part‑time. It gave me more time with my family and took a huge weight off my shoulders.

3. You can use PTO differently.

Even now, working full‑time, I use PTO to create little pockets of stay‑at‑home‑mom life—days at home, days to catch up, days to breathe.

4. You can take unpaid leave.

My husband and I have talked about budgeting for occasional unpaid time off so we can both have more flexibility without giving up the benefits of full‑time work.

5. You can work toward replacing your income.

That’s what I’m doing now—building my coaching business during early mornings, evenings, weekends, and PTO. Not because I hate my job, but because I want options.

You’re Not Stuck

I’ve worked full‑time in the office, full‑time from home, and part‑time. In every version, I’ve had moments where I wished I wasn’t a working mom. And moments where I was grateful for my job.

Both can be true.

If you’re feeling that same tension—wanting to be home, wanting to work, wanting options—you’re not alone. And you’re not stuck. There are ways to make this life feel lighter, better, more aligned with what matters most to you.

If this resonates with you, you're going to love the support of the For More Of What Mattersgroup coaching program. You’ll get step‑by‑step guidance, accountability, and a community of moms walking through the same challenges. You can join on Patreon or connect with me on Instagram @andrea.wieneke to learn more.